Hw # 24 - Part 3

“ Why can’t everybody just get used to it? People are born and they just can’t go on and on, then they must go, but it is so hard, so hard for the people left behind; it’s so hard to see them go, as if it had never happened before, and so hard it could not happen to anyone else, no one but you can survive this kind of loss, seeing someone go, seeing them leave you behind; you don’t want to go with them, you only don’t want them to go.” – pg. 138 This was her point of view on death, and I felt myself nodding my head to everything she was saying. It is true we hate seeing people leave us although we don’t want to leave with them just not have them go.

“My friend Bud said to me he found it strange the way people in Antigua regard illness, that when a person is ill no one mentions it, no one pays a visit; but if the person should die, there is a big outpouring of people at the funeral, there are bouquets, people sing hymns for the dead with much feeling.” Pg. 146 This for me was informative because it showed me how somewhere other then US people deal with illness and death, this book spoke specifically of Antigua.

“ And my brother died, for he kept dying; each time remembered that he died it was as if he had just at that moment died, and the whole experience of it would begin again; my brother had died, and I didn’t love him; or, at any rate, I didn’t love him in the way that I had come to understand love, something so immediate it was always in front of me even when my back was turned away from it, something so immediate it was like breath itself.” Pg. 148 This is a feeling many have, when someone close has died every time you recall them dying it is like they are dying all over again and you feel the pain or any other emotion that comes with this memory.

“ A great sadness overcame me, and the source of sadness was the deep feeling I had always had about him: that he had died without ever understanding or knowing, or being able to let the world in which he lived know, who he was; that who he really was – not a single sense of identity but all the complexities of who he was – he could not express fully: his fear of being laughed at, his fear of meeting with the scorn of the people he knew best were overwhelming and he could not live with all of it openly.” Pg. 162 This was moment when her brother, the puzzle piece she couldn’t solve was unfolded before her eyes. She finally understood why her brother acted that way toward woman; it was a front, a cover of his true feelings for men. And the way the lesbian described homosexuality before this quote; Antigua seemed like a culture that did not accept it.

The first quote was the one I felt the most connection with because I agree, when we are deep in our own pain and sorrow we think no one but me is going to have to go through this. But in actuality everyone does and her question is why can’t get used to it? I believe this is because we believe or like to think this will never happen to one or loved one and it catches us off guard when we’ve known it’d happen all along. Something most people do is push any painful memories to back of mind and fill one’s mind with any other memories/ thoughts we want to recall. I personally can say that I do this at times, I can purposely forget a painful memory or just never put a second thought on it instead fill my mind with good memories of my life so far. Jus recently I was on the phone with my grandmother talking to her about how her 50^th wedding anniversary went and then her saying how if God will it she’d come to see another year. This comment and this unit on illness and dying made me think how much I’d be utter sorrow if she would leave even when I know she will and all of us in turn will one day. Like Jamaica said perfectly, “ seeing them leave you behind; you don’t want to go with them, you only don’t want them to go.”