"And as we sat there, not face -to-face, she rubbing his head, telling humiliating stories about him, telling me some God or other would bless me, she did not remember this, she did not remember that if it had been up to her, I would not have been in a position to be blessed by any God, I might in fact be in the position as my brother right now." - pg. 75 Before this sentence her mother was telling her how God would bless her for bringing medicine to help her brother. But in reality Jamiaca would not have be in this position to help her brother if it had been up to her mother, because she didn't believe her children needed an education. And Jamaica against her mother's will went to New York got an education and become a writer which allowed her to access the medicine he needed. So why was her mother blessing Jamiaca on something that she almost made impossible? Doesn't life work in funny ways, if you look at the could've beens or what ifs?
" His face was sharp like a carving, like an image embossed on an emblem, a face full of deep suffering, beyond regrets or pleadings for a second chance. It was the face of someone who had lived in extremes, sometimes a saint, sometimes a sinner." - pg.83 The beauty of this quote was reason why I chose it because her brother at that point wasn't regretful of the way he lived his life, even when sick didn't stop having sex. she described perfectly for only knowing him the first and last few years of his life.
"When he was still alive I used to try to imagine what it would be like when he was no longer alive, what the world would seem like the moment I knew he was no longer alive, I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to feel." - pg. 87 Thoughts on his death, before, during and after.
During the 2/3 of this book, it begins with her finding out that her brother has finally died. In the third quote I use, it shows some of the thoughts she had when finding out her brother had finally died even though just like Beth to her it seemed like he had already been dead the last few weeks. While reading the book I notice she writes exactly how she speaks and thinks because when she was writing about her feelings toward her brother's death, she questions herself why she did not know what think or feel about his death. Especially when she only saw him the last 2 years of his life so love was something she did not feel...yet. For most people when just losing someone it can be pretty confusing next days; of questioning why him? to blame or to not know what to feel or react but to all of us it make us question life and death.
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