Hw # 50

Hi, my name is Tom Jokinken and the writer of book called Curtains: Adventures of an Undertaker – in – Training. I had moved to Winnipeg to be in the same postal code as my wife where I worked at CBC radio at first, but I then decided to take a month’s leave to intern at a family – owned funeral home. This is where I was inspired to write this book and the whole reason why came to work there was because, I wanted to find out why we humans do certain things when some one dies and how we handle the body, the left overs. Neil the owner of this funeral home toured me around the first day, where I got to see the stillness of empty old ladies and the violence of retort. (Retort is where body are place to be cremated, number one retort deal with heavier bodies while number two retort preferred thin elderly bodies without much fat). After interning there for a few months I decided wanted to stay longer, so quit my job at CBC radio, starting a new life.

· “ Two rules for picking up a body at the hospital, known as a “removal”: (1) Make sure it’s the right one. This is business, when you shake it down to first principles, is the burial or cremation of the dead, two irreversible acts… (2) Never stop for food on the way back to the funeral home when you’re “carrying,” not even at a drive – thru. It’s bad for the brand, and is apt to put other drive thru – ers off doughnuts.” (Jokinken 1)

· There’s a time, from when someone dies to when they magically pop up at the funeral or the cemetery or as a bag of ashes, that remains a black hole, invisible to the rest of the world, and everyone’s happy with the arrangement. We in the funeral service cover the gap. People pay us to keep to ourselves what goes on there”. (Jokinken 5)

· “ … humans are the only ones who know they’re going to die and even worse, they know they know it, and it’s not something they can “unknow.” All they can do is distract themselves, briefly, like you might mask the smell of burnt food by spraying the kitchen with Lysol”. (Jokinken 7)

· “ Look at it this way: We evolved, beautifully, from monkeys into type – A control freaks, with a system (government, laws, religion, organized labor and technology) designed to overcome nature. And for the most part, we pulled it off. There are only two weak spots where chaos sneaks in, wild, wet and savage, reminding us we’re doomed animals: sex and death. So we devised taboos to deal with former, to take away its power, and ritual to weaken the chaotic impact of the latter”. (Jokinken 22)

· “ What matters is the physical fact of death. We need to see it to know it, touch its hair or hands, feel how cold it is… If you don’t see the body, it’s as if it was lost at sea and you can harbor dreams that your loved one is still alive on some desert island with a coconut tree sending messages in bottles like in a New Yorker cartoon”. (Jokinken 86)

This text has a tone of lightness when talking of death and deathcare, making reader even laugh at these topics with a joke author makes like the one he says about bringing body along when going through a drive - thru is a definite no no because it would give the place a bad name. Letting me, the reader imagine this happening, how all the cars behind his would swerve around and leave with sick stomaches instead of a full one of doughnuts. His detail of the rituals being done to dead bodies for example the one of him watching the bodies being places in the retorts to be cremated were gruesome and violent for the reader, how the body becomes simply human dust and pieces of bone. It was sad during the scene where he is helping dress the dead old ladies, because they were well groomed it was hard to believe they were empty, goners when author believes they would rather be sitting on their couch watching Wheel of Fortune. It made think of how one day I'll be in this position of being prepped for burial, laying lifeless when I'd rather not be... Well so far after reading first third of the book, I am enjoying the book.

Hw # 49

Evan,

By interviewing your parents about the care of the dead, something I'm sure you would have never done, or I would have done with my own parents before this unit. You were able to find out about your parents views on the care of the dead and even found that they act similarly during these situations.The line I most valued was," I agree with my parents even when I questioned the system being morally right... Yet I thought this system was a social practice and all social practices have bonders that if crossed you were out casted but the system allows for any variation imaginable which makes it beautiful." From every units we have learned some way of how our social practices may seem normal but actually if looked more closely have a negative aspect, so I wonder what it'll be in this unit. Only thing that would have made this post even better would have been questioning parents a little more, maybe how they want to be cared or the emotions that they or other around them felt during a funeral or any other question you had. But other than that good job!

Stephanie

To start with you had great questions, questions that would receive good answers with little elaboration. But i've learned after couple of interview that it helps to tell them some background info first on what we are studying this unit for them to be able to answer well. But overall it was good, how you learned how your mothers have two complete different point of views on belief of the dead but still agree on that there should be a certain respect for the dead. I liked how the last line wrapped up your blog, " Asking my parents these clarifying questions definitely helped me understand there thoughts and beliefs on how they would handle the care of the dead" because for me this HW did the same thing for me. Only thing could have done was to proof read, besides that well done!

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Protege:

Michelle,

On a basic level this post (Hw#46) is about how different people and cultures care for their dead and how they perform their funeral rituals, specifically in Mexico. As well as the topic of death itself that you've experienced. I value the aspect of wanting to learn more about different culture's funeral rituals. It matters to me because now I realize that not everyone performs same rituals and don't what these different rituals are, looking at this topic through one perspective. The only small thing that would have made this post 100% better would be to know what those other questions you have in this unit.

Mentor:

Michelle,

This Post is very true; people don't really talk about death or mortality yet it is something no one can escape. I have also not had anyone close to me pass away but it must be scary knowing someone that you were with him or her in their last moments or if you could have prevented it. I like how you brought up different cultures and religions as their views on death, the care of the dead and afterlife in some cases are very different and something I find very interesting. This is a subject that I think should be talked about a bit more at home just to get any the fear that some people have out of the way or to answer any questions young people may have. I’m sure most of these answers will be varied because of different religions but that way kids have more comfort I would have loved to hear more about the details of different cultures and religions in regards to death and the care of the dead as some see it as the end of life and others as a transition to something else, but otherwise I think this is very well written and gives readers some insight on Mexican culture and their culture when it comes to the death of a loved one.

From Stephanie,

It was so interesting reading your initials thoughts. I also found it interesting that at your age some one close hasn't died, know a days I hear about death left and right because of all these diseases such as cancer, aids, etc. I liked how you really got into detail about how your culture handles the dead and if our culture took on some rituals from your culture the death process might be more about the dead loved one instead of what there coffin looks like and how much money is spent on the tombstone. I noticed your grammar and spelling has improved tremendously, keep up the great work!

From Evan,

To Michelle - First I want to say your blessed because a lot of my family has past away in resent years. You talked about one of your class mates ding which I can't imagine ever happening to one of my fellow classmates. This must have been a bit traumatizing for you seeing a person the same age as you dying. A friend i lost contact with died and it was hard for me to handle. I cant imagine what you went threw at the age of 13. You made a great comment "As a child, I was innocent and the concept of dead people hadn’t been introduced to me yet" Children are hidden from death in general because adults feel that death is to real for them to see. But is it really to real, if children's shows didn't portray people as living forever would it be hard for children to accept? Great Post !!!

HW # 48

I decided to first interview my mom, who is Roman Catholic and Mexican. She grew in a town where almost everyone knew each other, so she attended several funerals through out her life. From all the funerals attended only one stood out, because in Mexico back then and still today many practice Catholicism, making the rituals all pretty much the same at every funeral. Rituals that I mentioned about in my previous blog # 46, “ the Mexican people have them at home in the casket covered surrounded by wreaths of flowers. Where the family and friends prays over the coffin because in Mexico, homes are actual houses not tiny apartments. Then the next day he or she is taken to the cemetery and the priest comes to pray and bless him or her before the person is finally buried. Then for 9 nights, they pray for this person but on the ninth night they pray with the cross that like a gravestone will be placed over the grave.” This time my mom adds that there is always someone guiding others in pray for the person who has passed away.

The funeral that stood out to her the family was from another religion (she thinks it might have been Evangelic but does not remember too well). Where instead of the usual praying over body, they incinerate the body right away holding no mass for the person who has passed away. The emotions my mother says that were felt in the room at every funeral she went to were of sadness, pain, suffering but most of all compassion for the family of the person who is now dead. What surprised me most during the interview was when I asked her if she had decided on how she would like to be cared for once she has passed away, and she said “No…” I was shocked because I expected it to be an immediate answer. She continues to say; “ I think my children will decide for me according to our religion and customs.” Again another shock, because I thought everyone might care to input on how they would like to be cared for after their death. But I think she trusts us to make the right decisions, knowing fully well my mother would never want to be incinerated and mentioned that she would like to be buried in her native land. In Mexico, buried beside the tomb of her parents.

Not done....

Hw # 47

PERSON # 1

1) Tell me a little bit about yourself; your background and age?

– I am 16 and I am Italian and Scotch Irish and I like to play soccer.

2) Have you ever been at a funeral?

a) If so what was it like if you can recall? The emotions you felt?

– I recall it being extremely sad; it was for a family member. It was about 2 to 3 years ago, meaning I was about 13 years old, so I knew what was going on. But it was still all new to me, and I had known him fairly well. What was new to me was the idea of death and what happens to the person once they die. All I could was comfort, to comfort my aunt by hugging her because it had been her husband.

b) If so how many?

– Just been to one Ms. Guzman.

3) Do you know how people from your background or religion take care of the dead?

Any special rituals conducted?

– We just do the normal catholic tradition, a wake and then a funeral. A wake is when the body out so everyone can see it. Then everyone goes up to the body and prays for them and gives their respects. It was a little weird for me, to see him in the casket. I could only see him from torso up, and he just looked at peace and so calm.

4) Have you decided on how you would like to be cared of? Buried or Cremated? Any specific place you would like to be buried?

– No I haven’t… Don’t really want to talk about.

PERSON # 2

1)

– So I am 16, going to be 17 at the end of this month. I am a junior at Beacon High School. I aspire to become a nurse specifically for the military. I practice shotokan karate and currently have a green belt. I play soccer and volleyball for fun.

2)

a) – Nope but I went to a memorial service at school recently. It was quiet and somber at first, a lot of silent tears and people speaking in whispers, but as my principal began as my principal began the service by asking the seniors to talk about memories they had of him and the mood changed and the laughter was heard, as some funny stories were untold.

b) – None

3) – An alter is put up in the family’s living room with their picture and favorite foods and personal objects. This is a Mexican and catholic ritual my family does, when someone passes away. It’s like the Day of the Dead (a Mexican tradition) but on the Day of the Dead everyone who has passes away are remembered and this can’t be done on their anniversary.

PERSON # 3

1)

- I am a female age of 17 :)

2)

a) - No I have never been at a funeral. In my culture only males attend a funeral; females stay back at home. I haven't been to one so I wouldn't know. Bust from what I heard from people who have attended its a hard time for everyone because it's like a shock wave. It takes time to accept the fact that someone has moved on to wherever they may be. Everyone usually cries or has depressed looks upon their faces; it's not a pretty sight. Again, this is not from my own personal experience.

b)– Zero

3)

- Yeah, in my religion there is a set of rules to follow when someone dies. The process after death occurs as soon as possible; no time is wasted, because we want the body to rest in peace without a long wait. First the body is taken home and given a holy bath. Then it is prepared to be buried; cotton is stuffed into the ears and the nose then a white cloth is placed over it. The close male family members then carry the body to the grave site and bury it while giving it prayers and reading parts of the Quran to it. The women back at home recite special prayers and surahs from the Quran; they count the number of times they read it by using date or fruit seeds. This goes on for several days. I am not sure but there is something that has to do with a 40 day period. Within these 40 days it is important to keep reading the Quran and praying for the one who died on a daily basis.

4)

- I don't need to make a decision; my decision is already made based on the religion I follow. Islam disapproves of cremation and has specific rites for how the body should be treated after death. Uh...no i don't have a specific place in mind to be buried; never thought about it before and I don't wanna think about that any time soon.

All the teenagers when I asked the final question, it took them a minute to think about it. I believe this is because humans in their teens don't think of death at this time in our lives, because (being one myself) we are young so we feel invincible and the thought of how we would like to be cared for once we are dead doesn't come up in our daily conversations or thoughts. I never before this unit thought of how I would like to go, buried or cremated. Hopefully this unit will help me make this decision or if not maybe later life I will find my answer. At the moment I want to buried, here in NY the place I was born in and have lived in my entire life. Through these interviews I was able to learn a bit more on other cultures and religions and their take on how a person must be cared for after he/she 's death. I also noticed that the teens I've interviewed have never been to a funeral or have only attended a few, I wonder why that is? Is it because as teens we ignore the dying that happens around us until we reach closer to the end? The second person I interviewed brought to my attention another ritual we do once the person has passed away to commemorate like a memorial service.

Hw # 46***(This one)

My personal experience with this topic is less than what the typical person has, because I fortunately have not had anyone close to me die. But then again I haven’t lived for so long. Unless you count the time I was in middle school, I recall it being 7^th grade and I was playing basketball with a boy who hours later was announced dead. After announcing the person has died, hospitals always do an autopsy to find out the cause of death before burying or cremating them, unless the family does not give consent for it. In my classmate’s case, due to his family’s religion, they did not allow an autopsy. Many of his classmates and I were invited to his funeral, but at the time I remember not wanting to go. I did not want to recall him as someone now laying dead in a casket but who he had been a funny and jubilant teenager.

As a child, I was innocent and the concept of dead people hadn’t been introduced to me yet. Making me believe that we were immortals, until of course it came up at school, a place where most people learn about these things like death, curses, sex, etc… After finding out, I also learned that in my parent’s and now my religion Catholic people tend to be buried, something I’m not sure yet on which way I want to go. A decision everyone must make and if made too late, others will make for him or her when they pass away, having a burial OR a cremation. When someone died that my parents knew, I learned that every time they mentioned the person’s name they would say “ Insert name, en paz descansa.” Which in English means RIP – rest in peace, which my family and my culture does after naming a person who had passed away, out of respect.

In my culture (Mexican) instead of having the dead person in a coffin at the graveyard and standing over watching the coffin being buried, the Mexican people have them at home in the casket covered surrounded by wreaths of flowers. Where the family and friends prays over the coffin because in Mexico, homes are actual houses not tiny apartments. Then the next day he or she is taken to the cemetery and the priest comes to pray and bless him or her before the person is finally buried. Then for 9 nights, they pray for this person but on the ninth night they pray with the cross that like a gravestone will be placed over the grave. This is how people in Mexico take car of their dead, a country where many of the people are Catholics but of course everyone has his or her own little changes.

Something I would like to learn more about during this unit is what do other religions or cultures do for the care of their dead. For example, I remember learning that in Egypt many of the royals and people would have all their gold and treasure be buried with them. So what is it like in Brazil, India, etc? Do the Jews, Christians or any other religion have different rituals? These are some of the questions I would like have answered during the course of this unit.

Hw # 45

Utopia/Ally made a good point we don't for a fact know that all woman drape and cover themselves during a procedure in India unless we go visit India ourselves, something I hope to do one day. But we can infer from this quote, that most traditional(keyword) woman tend to do this. Thank you for reading my blog, I enjoyed you and Leah's elevator speech, where you guys also researched about birth in India but specifically about their birth rituals.

Steph I am glad that like I, you could see the contrast between U.S. 's male role and India's and I agree it is important to know what other countries do and not just look at it through American perspective but through other places too. Which can help future mothers on what decisions to make during pregnancy and childbirth.

Leah I thought it was interesting when you said, "No matter where your from all the women seem to have the same stigma." Something I was trying to say when analyzing this quote but you said quite beautifully, and I find this true in my own life. When I go to a regular check - up at a hospital, I always tell them I prefer to have a female doctor. Showing that the male presence during birth may not be as great as everyone thinks but it should depend on each individual mother's opinion on whether allow father or partner to attend or not.

Jay thank you for finding interest in my project after the speech, and while reading your comment I found myself nodding my head when you said, "Those who shun others for their customs are ignorant and uneducated." Sometimes one does forget that there are many different cultures, ideas and views besides the ones here in the US and we only find this out once until we leave the country. For example, the first time I went to Mexico, it was eye - opening for me, because before that I thought there wouldn't be much of a difference. But I found that there were many differences, making me want to visit other countries to learn of other customs. Like you said, just because they have different customs then our own we must not be blind and ignore them, we should instead let them help us make our decisions for our childbirth or any other crucial decision in our lives.

Rossi I am happy my blog has taught you something new about birth in another country, something that believe we should all be open to. Another thing is that you saw that I was in no way trying to be judgmental of males, because in the end of my blog I try to make it clear that even after all my research, one can not make a generalization about the male role in India and much less in the US where there are so many different backgrounds. Thank you for seeing the effort i put into my research and I will keep in my mind the constructive feedback you gave me on how to improve my project in the future.

Evan you say "As you stated Indian woman value their men but they don’t want them in the room while they give birth unlike in America where wives want there husbands in the room with them." With this project, I found it difficult not trying to make a generalization in either country, but yes after my research found that most woman in India not all would rather have a woman with them during childbirth. I am glad you have learned something new after reading my post, and I'm sure you will continue to do so while visiting other countries.

Hw # 44

Stephanie

You chose to go into depth in a topic that you had a connection to; adoption. By calling agencies, you had the chance to learn more about the restrictions involved in this procedure and specifically on the sexuality of the parents. I enjoyed reading your post because for me it was a breath of fresh air. Something we had not touched much base upon during our unit. I found this project important to me because if I one day chose to adopt a child this blog taught me of the restrictions there are for example in a domestic adoption. Something that would have been the next step after calling these agencies, was to do actual research on this and see if it is allowed in all states for same sex marriages or partners to adopt. Besides that good Job!

Raven,

After researching ACOG, you help the reader understand what ACOG means and the lies it made to women in thinking it was good, when in fact C-sections rose! It was an informative project because it taught me something new. This is a matter that is significant because it shows us the other side of the usual "good" and squeaky clean view of hospitals we are used to seeing in TV. Your project mattered to me because it helped me see in a new view hospitals as has this entire unit. Making me have a change in heart of how I would like to give birth one day. The only thing would add to your project would be what was ACOG's opinion on all this? thank you enjoyed reading this.

Kristen

Abortion is the easy way out in case of unprotected sex and pregnancy happens just as the morning after pill is for, but when it is too late. Abortion was seen as a trend but in Brazil it is considered as a sin. I valued the topic of this quote because again it was something we have not discussed in class so you took it your hands to research about it. This matters to me because it is interesting to learn about whether it is accepted in Brazil as it is in US, particularly in NY. But after reading your work I learned that it was not, that it is more like it is in Mexico where people are very religious catholics, so it is seen as a sin and most abortion sites are illegal and not safe for woman. I enjoyed this blog, you could have compared it US or a bit more depth research of abortion. But other than that good job!

Amber,

The bond between mother and child some say differ whether have had a c-section or a vaginal birth but some say it is even before give birth that they feel this bond. So you decided investigate this topic more deeply. A topic I had never heard of before but that many can connect to because they have been the result of a pregnancy. It made me think of my own birth and wonder what this project mean to it because I was a C-section does that my mother doesn't same bond if I would have been born vaginally? But after reading your project and from the bond I have with my mother, it doesn't affect whether was born through a C-section, like the opinion some of the woman you found research on said. But then again if I had been born vaginally, I most likely would not be here today because my mom did not dilate enough and I had the umbilical cord around my head. Only thing you could have done to make post perfect is after quotes you used was to analyze them more to support what your main argument was but nonetheless good job!

David,

Looked at C-section stats in China and compared to U.S's and why they the c- section rates have increases. The fact this project was about birth in another country I valued this and had to go read your blog after hearing your elevator speech. This subject is important because now when I have a child and a doctor tells me should do C-section due to to its convenience, now can make he right decision and have baby natural unless of course I have complications. Something to make your project better would be more research on C-sections in China or maybe birth in general in China and rituals or differences they have with U.S. But other than that good!

Evan,

In the beginning you went in to interview and have them confirm what we have seen in the movie Business of Being Born, but ended up leaving with the realization that not all midwives think hospitals are "evil". An aspect I valued instead of staying at home doing research, you went out to find out the answers at a hospital. Also enjoyed hearing what this midwife had to say and her opinion, for example the response to why she worked at hospital instead of a birthing center, she said, "I can be the midwife in the birthing center but if anything goes wrong I have a hospital one floor above ready for any emergency. It’s the best of both worlds." The reason this matters to me is that it shows me and any future moms that you can also have best of both worlds when giving birth, having hospital a floor away if any complications occur. SOmething that would have made your post even better, would have been in your concluding paragraph analyze more what you just heard and what we've learned for more depth to conclude. But besides that it was an enjoyable read.

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To me:

From Protege -

Michelle,

It's all about what the ideal father's role is during childbirth and what the typical father's role is in child birth in India. In reality, the father's are not usually present during childbirth in India, even though you say we can make an assumption of country as a whole. One aspect of the post I valued was "We cannot generalize because of the different views one country can have, especially in the U.S. :melting pot" with so many ideas, cultures, and religions, so how can one infer that the father is always present..." As a male, I know that in the U.S. as a father you always have to be there for your child, even at childbirth. However in India that this is not the case, they neglect the mother and child and this type of action can be harmful to child's psychology. As a suggestion having more evidence to support your claim.

From Mentor -

Michelle,

In India the males role is more overpowering then in the U.S., in India men make decisions for their women, women have no voice they are silenced. Over population is a growing concern especially for India and China as mentioned with low food supply. It matters to me, because I think that apart from religion it is about doing what is right, because what if I was in the woman's "shoes"? I would like to make my own decisions, do what I want during birth and not be measured by the man I am with. I believe further investigation is required to see what impact there is during pregnancy and birth when men make decisions.