Hw # 26

• Many do not have death on their mind until they are dying and sick, and now after this unit I now constantly think of it. I look at my younger brother and realize he will probably outlive me and catch myself doing this once on train as well with people of all ages. Weird huh.
• Important information for me was seeing how other people view death from parents to friends to strangers and helped develop my view at the end of this unit.
• We believe healthcare insurance is there for our benefit but actually just running our pockets.
• Time is essential because one day our time will be over and on doesn’t want to die regretting how we spent it throughout our life.

Source I found most helpful was hearing other’s voices on their experiences on death and thoughts on it because it was easy for me to connect it to my life and thoughts. Sometimes I found myself nodding my head or confused on why they thought this way. Another source that was helpful was watching Sicko because it helped me understand the complications one is dying or ill, before this believed it was simple that you’d receive the care you needed no matter what, so this movie changed my idea of healthcare insurance.

I believe we should just all have a class discussion and listen to each other’s experiences or thoughts because even if they write about it on their blog, one doesn’t have time to read every single’s classmates blog on death. A question we should explore is what words come up in our mind when one thinks of death? Or what is the point of life if we are going to die in the end?

Hw - 25

Begins with viewing lives of those who do not have insurance. But this movie is not about these people; it’s about the happy Americans who do have insurance. Of course this isn't as pretty as it is painted, how insurance companies only care about our health and are there for our benefit. In actuality it’s a business; businesses do everything in order to profit more and unfortunately keeping Americans healthy is not one. Not wanting to just view just our country’s insurance he compares it to the one in Cuba and in Britain. Their health insurance is, “ If you have power, you meet the needs of your community.” So why do we not adapt to this? Because the way their insurance works is communist.

Two pieces of evidence that supports Michael Moor's argument is of this man who is 79 still working and has two jobs and other is when this person was knocked unconscious, the insurance didn't cover ambulance. These two pieces of evidence were important to his thesis; Insurance doesn't fully cover health care because this man should be retired resting and being cared for but instead still working in order to pay his insurance. The other evidence is important because this woman did not confirm an ambulance or something and so the insurance did not cover the ambulance bill. But when was this woman supposed to call she was unconscious?!

http://healthpolicyandreform.nejm.org/?p=2610

The fact used in Sicko is in fact accurate that our healthcare system is #37, this citation another piece of proof other than the one Michael Moore uses on his website proving that he did not "fudge" this fact. But one thing did notice is that it is true that Cuba is ranked lower than us, what does this mean? Is Cuba's healthcare insurance not as great as Moore presented it?

Most important excerpts of the movie I believe was listening to not only the patients point of view but the doctor's. Showing that they care about keeping the patient healthy and the Britain doctors were glad they did not have to worry about whether the patient can afford it or not, but concentrate on what can do in order to keep patient healthy and alive. The idea that struck me as the most crucial was having healthcare insurance free and universal,and how we can make this possible in the US because it seems to work in other countries.

This movie has affected even changed my view on healthcare insurance companies, I like most Americans believed up until watching this movie that healthcare insurance was there for our benefit and healthcare. So finding out that they are there to profit from us being sick or close to death was shocking and in my view inhuman. I believe that we can sometimes cover ourselves in this bubble of how everything is good and when experience something that tells us otherwise it kinda literally pops and can feel like "everything's just bullshit." - Jay

Hw # 24 - Part 3

“ Why can’t everybody just get used to it? People are born and they just can’t go on and on, then they must go, but it is so hard, so hard for the people left behind; it’s so hard to see them go, as if it had never happened before, and so hard it could not happen to anyone else, no one but you can survive this kind of loss, seeing someone go, seeing them leave you behind; you don’t want to go with them, you only don’t want them to go.” – pg. 138 This was her point of view on death, and I felt myself nodding my head to everything she was saying. It is true we hate seeing people leave us although we don’t want to leave with them just not have them go.

“My friend Bud said to me he found it strange the way people in Antigua regard illness, that when a person is ill no one mentions it, no one pays a visit; but if the person should die, there is a big outpouring of people at the funeral, there are bouquets, people sing hymns for the dead with much feeling.” Pg. 146 This for me was informative because it showed me how somewhere other then US people deal with illness and death, this book spoke specifically of Antigua.

“ And my brother died, for he kept dying; each time remembered that he died it was as if he had just at that moment died, and the whole experience of it would begin again; my brother had died, and I didn’t love him; or, at any rate, I didn’t love him in the way that I had come to understand love, something so immediate it was always in front of me even when my back was turned away from it, something so immediate it was like breath itself.” Pg. 148 This is a feeling many have, when someone close has died every time you recall them dying it is like they are dying all over again and you feel the pain or any other emotion that comes with this memory.

“ A great sadness overcame me, and the source of sadness was the deep feeling I had always had about him: that he had died without ever understanding or knowing, or being able to let the world in which he lived know, who he was; that who he really was – not a single sense of identity but all the complexities of who he was – he could not express fully: his fear of being laughed at, his fear of meeting with the scorn of the people he knew best were overwhelming and he could not live with all of it openly.” Pg. 162 This was moment when her brother, the puzzle piece she couldn’t solve was unfolded before her eyes. She finally understood why her brother acted that way toward woman; it was a front, a cover of his true feelings for men. And the way the lesbian described homosexuality before this quote; Antigua seemed like a culture that did not accept it.

The first quote was the one I felt the most connection with because I agree, when we are deep in our own pain and sorrow we think no one but me is going to have to go through this. But in actuality everyone does and her question is why can’t get used to it? I believe this is because we believe or like to think this will never happen to one or loved one and it catches us off guard when we’ve known it’d happen all along. Something most people do is push any painful memories to back of mind and fill one’s mind with any other memories/ thoughts we want to recall. I personally can say that I do this at times, I can purposely forget a painful memory or just never put a second thought on it instead fill my mind with good memories of my life so far. Jus recently I was on the phone with my grandmother talking to her about how her 50^th wedding anniversary went and then her saying how if God will it she’d come to see another year. This comment and this unit on illness and dying made me think how much I’d be utter sorrow if she would leave even when I know she will and all of us in turn will one day. Like Jamaica said perfectly, “ seeing them leave you behind; you don’t want to go with them, you only don’t want them to go.”

HW # 23 - book Part 2

Jamaica Kincaid, My Brother, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1997

"And as we sat there, not face -to-face, she rubbing his head, telling humiliating stories about him, telling me some God or other would bless me, she did not remember this, she did not remember that if it had been up to her, I would not have been in a position to be blessed by any God, I might in fact be in the position as my brother right now." - pg. 75 Before this sentence her mother was telling her how God would bless her for bringing medicine to help her brother. But in reality Jamiaca would not have be in this position to help her brother if it had been up to her mother, because she didn't believe her children needed an education. And Jamaica against her mother's will went to New York got an education and become a writer which allowed her to access the medicine he needed. So why was her mother blessing Jamiaca on something that she almost made impossible? Doesn't life work in funny ways, if you look at the could've beens or what ifs?

" His face was sharp like a carving, like an image embossed on an emblem, a face full of deep suffering, beyond regrets or pleadings for a second chance. It was the face of someone who had lived in extremes, sometimes a saint, sometimes a sinner." - pg.83 The beauty of this quote was reason why I chose it because her brother at that point wasn't regretful of the way he lived his life, even when sick didn't stop having sex. she described perfectly for only knowing him the first and last few years of his life.

"When he was still alive I used to try to imagine what it would be like when he was no longer alive, what the world would seem like the moment I knew he was no longer alive, I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to feel." - pg. 87 Thoughts on his death, before, during and after.

During the 2/3 of this book, it begins with her finding out that her brother has finally died. In the third quote I use, it shows some of the thoughts she had when finding out her brother had finally died even though just like Beth to her it seemed like he had already been dead the last few weeks. While reading the book I notice she writes exactly how she speaks and thinks because when she was writing about her feelings toward her brother's death, she questions herself why she did not know what think or feel about his death. Especially when she only saw him the last 2 years of his life so love was something she did not feel...yet. For most people when just losing someone it can be pretty confusing next days; of questioning why him? to blame or to not know what to feel or react but to all of us it make us question life and death.

Comments made on my blog

Michelle,

The best part while reading this analysis in paragraph 3 "For me the huge thing that scares me about dying (which might seem weird) is to never think again, at times in my life I enjoy letting myself be swallowed by my own thoughts and visions and not being able to do this terrifies me." I actually disagree, from my point of view the scariest part of death is not dying but leaving the loved ones behind. You could've expanded this further by asking yourself: Why does it scare you? Past experience? Is there a specific thought/memory that you focus on when you immerse yourself in your thoughts?

Eduardo (Younger Mentor)

While reading Michelle's response to her guest speaker's story I could easily relate to the topic of death and how we pretend tht "death isn't going to happen." Death is something that is inevitable and she expands on this throughout her writing, she even has the same fear about it as most people including myself do. The fear of not being able to think again once you die, is it like sleeping? I wonder, more than fear it is uncertainty.

My favorite quote from her writing is " Without realizing it we spend too much time on things we shouldn't. I like it because it is very true for me I used to pend so much in fact that it came to the point that I asked my self "what have I been doing for the past 2-3 years." and all that came to mind was amassing killing spree's online, something that I wish I could now cash in and get some of my time back.

One thing I thought she could have elaborated on is about how we all strive to leave an imprint on the world as if this would make us immortal, we all seem to be chasing that imaginary bone that will somehow make a difference in the world if we chase it.

Older Mentor

Hw # 22

Jamaica Kincaid, My Brother, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1997

“ I could have said to my mother, You and I do not get along, I am too well, I am not a sick child, you cannot be a mother to a well child, you are a great person but you are very bad mother to a child who is not dying or in jail; but I did not say that.” – pg. 27 When I read this it made think of how you can see how much someone loves you or cares about you when you are sick or ill. And in Jamaica’s case this was the only time her mother showed her love.

“ I told him to use condoms when having sex with anyone; I told him to protect himself from the HIV virus and he laughed at me and said that he would never get such a stupid thing (“Me no get dat chupidness, man.”)” – pg. 8 This quote reminded me how some people think their invincible and in their mind think, “ Oh that’ll never happen to me.” And when it does it takes us a while, like Jamaica’s brother or like Beth’s husband to accept the truth about our health.

“ It was then I decided that only people in Antigua died, that people living in other places did not die and as soon as I could, I would move somewhere else, to hose places where the people living there did not die.” – pg. 26 In other words, Jamaica when in her home with her family, death did not exist and it seemed like it never would in her “world.” But standing next to her brother in Antigua death became a reality for her and it frightened her, so much she mentioned several time how she just wanted be back home with her husband and kids.

How Jamaica dealt with the fact that her brother was dying due to Aids, I found was significant because for the first time she was bonding with the family (especially with her brother) she had tried to avoid most of her life. And when she finally did, she was hit by many emotions like the love she felt for her brother and having to face death when she had been avoiding it most of her life in the comfort of her home. I believe that when people find out someone of their own blood is ill or dying, even if they haven’t talked to this person in years they reach out to them. Or at least in Jamaica's case and mine. As a child, I never heard my father talk to or about his father but one day I saw that my father look different, more old, tired and weary than his usual self. And then a week after my mother told me that my father was going away to Mexico to my grandfather’s funeral. A man who I had never met or heard much about. But just like Jamaica, once my father heard his father was ill he went to his native land to see him in his last days. I would like to know whether if it was just something in common between my family's life and Jamaica’s or is it true for majority of people?

Hw # 21b - Comments on Partner's Blog

Leah,

Your response to our guest speaker's experience with death aligned with what was asked for in this homework because you connected her insights to events from your own life. Like the insight Beth mentioned about how most men don't get medical attention right away, because they deny their pain/illness. You then connected this insight to your life by mentioning the time your father had an erupted appendix and denied his pain until it was too much and he luckily got there before it was too late. I agree that it might have something to do with their masculinity being in play because they must ask others for help and must be looked after when when it's usually the other way around. Next time try to add more depth to these big ideas you mention in your post by just focusing on one and expanding it. Besides that I enjoyed reading this post:)

Raven,

The first insight you mentioned I felt like you went into depth and showed how in your life it is true, when one is in deep struggle we turn to religion no matter if you don't even have one. I like how you shared experiences you've had of death. Maybe you should go deeper on this and say if these deaths have affected your life or view on life? Also could've explained why you think it didn't trigger feelings when she told her experience. Besides this I enjoyed reading someone else's point of view on death of my age and cant wait to read future one:)

Hw # 21

• Most men don’t get medical attention right away because are in denial at first.
• Wanting to seem invincible: that death will never “catch” us and to continue to be positive until the end.
• Movies don’t show the reality of how a disease or cancer can affect the patient
• Remember to do nice things to people even those who you’ve never met because you will never be able to once you die and can sometimes regret leaving unfinished business with those close to you.
• The best times of the 26 years of marriage were weirdly the ones spent when he was sick because did not have to focus on anything but her husband.
• Was to be paralyzed all he said was “ If I can still move my hands and paint than I’ll be alright.” (Art was his passion, this was his way to me of leaving an imprint in the world)
• TIME; something one shouldn’t waste especially on silly things (when one is a teenager we can do this) and spend it more on the important and fulfilling moments in life.
• Keeping it “human” as possible was important; making sure people saw him as a real person, a husband, and a father not as cancer.
• Went to Buddhist monk and he told her the signs to know when it was coming; one was pushing his hands out as if he were pushing away death and he did! (During the final weeks)
• Stillness that was felt in the room and in his body was indescribable when he died.

The second insight I got from our guest speaker, the one about wanting to seem invincible; that death will never catch us I can connect with because I agree that most people just shove the thought right out of their head and let anything else that is on their mind distract them from reality. That we, humans are not invincible, much less immortal and that we will one day have to face our fate, death. This for me and I’m sure for most people is true, we avoid it like death isn’t going to happen, or we even joke about it when it is a serious topic that exhausts us. When I was younger I would read books about men who were immortal and while reading these books I would forget everything around me. Reading was an escape for me especially from the thought of dying because during these minutes I believed it was possible to live for centuries. But even this had a cost, because you would have to watch again and again those who you’ve come to care for and love (who aren’t immortal) die before your eyes.

The insight about time was definitely the one that impacted me the most and I believe it is something many can relate to. Without realizing it we spend too much time on things we shouldn’t, like spending extra hours at work or in the digital world instead of enjoying time with other humans, like our friends and family. And we don’t realize this until we are about to die. Our guest speaker mentioned that in our final moments we don’t go, “Oh, I wish I could’ve spent an hour more at work.” We really just say, “ Oh, I wish could’ve spent more time with my family.” A lot of time it feels like there isn't ever enough time to get everything we want done much less the energy because we all need at least 8 hours of sleep . I believe we should make this realization now instead of when we are about to die by looking at our lives and making a list of the number of things we can drop that are really not needed like 4 hours of watching TV and change it for something that we will feel more accomplished and even happy about afterwards.

A question that sparked while listening to our guest speaker was are there some common things we all do before we die? For example he began to push his hands out as if pushing away death. Or does everyone do something different? An idea that sparked after hearing our speaker was about TIME that I mentioned about before in the previous paragraph. It also sparked the idea of us all wanting to leave some kind of imprint in the world before we die whether it is our art, a book, being a celebrity or for simply making a difference. To not just fade away and to never have your name spoken ever again. For me the huge thing that scares me about dying (which might seem weird) is to never think again, at times in my life I enjoy letting myself be swallowed by my own thoughts and visions and not being able to do this terrifies me.

Hw #19

I remember one time when I was 10; at this age I enjoyed to explore and analyze different topics/ideas and one of them happened to be death. And once I began to start thinking about this topic I couldn’t stop, I started to shudder and all wanted to do was curl up in a ball in a corner. The thoughts going through my head what happens to me after, will I just rot while those around me will forget about me until one day no who knew me will be alive and my name would be forgotten. So I decided to go ask my mother about it, needing answers and hopefully some comfort as well. So I asked my mother if she was scared of death and she told me no that we were all going to die someday, but she told me not to worry to enjoy life and to remember that if we follow God’s commandments we will then join him in heaven. Me being ten I thought to myself, oh cool I’ll just follow these rules and I’ll go to heaven. Now age 17 I believe there is more to this, so hearing other opinions and religions and their views on death is interesting. But growing up with Catholicism I believe it is true that we will go to heaven or hell and it personally brings me comfort that I may be in heaven in the end and can watch those I left and loved from above.

Today asking my mother again this time about illness, she told me that when someone you know or when you are sick especially when the sickness is serious, it is sad but one must be strong and have the will to continue living what ever life you have left. We also should look for a treatment or cure that will help us get better. And that one must always pray to God and/or the Virgin Mary to become healthy once again. The Virgin Mary for my family and I the religion I follow is an important figure being the mother of Jesus. Because coming from a Hispanic background, and being Mexican on top of that, she is very important in my culture. When you walk around any Mexican neighborhood, restaurant (actually owned by Mexicans) or the Catholic churches in Mexico there are huge portraits and/or sculptures of the Virgin Mary. So sometimes in my prayer I am told to pray to her as well as to God, because she will listen me as well, and Jesus loving his mother dearly he will listen to her about my prayer. In my culture, religion plays a huge role in our lives and when I went to Mexico this summer I saw it even more. Every time someone walked by a church they made a sign of the cross, the churches tare usually overcrowded during mass which surprised me because here in NY it is not like this. The reason I believe this is, is because they find comfort to many issues in their life, including the topic of death. It brings reassurance that when we die, it is not the end that there will be an after and that after depends on what you believe in.

When I asked my dad about death he told me it's part of life, and is what completes the cycle of life. I asked him what he imaged when he was telling me this and he said the image in his mind was of a tree and continued to say that humans must die so makes room for the next generation of humans. He said when we die we transform and give life to others, his example was of a dead rabbit that turns into fertilizer for the dirt which then a plant grows in. He took it differently then my mother did, she took it more as a sad occurrence while my father was more calm and it's just part of life while shrugging his shoulders. He continues to say that our ancestors (Aztecs) worshiped death because they would sacrifice people to make Gods happy and wouldn't send them illness, calamities, bad crops, or a drought. And when something like drought occurred they believed it was because the Gods were angry with them so they sacrificed even more people. This and watching the news made me think why is it OK for people to take other's life? Isn't life sacred? Nowadays we honor the dead, my father ended.

This talk with my parents definitely has impacted the way I see it now, never before did we have a full length conversation of death, it's a topic most families avoid. Because it is a hard topic to speak of the answers can be depressing and just plain tiring. But it goes to show that we shouldn't wait for death or illness to live our life to the fullest, instead of wasting so much time on the technology. I'm trying now to just spend 2 hours not 4 hours on my computer the amount of time I usually spend on it and instead going to volunteer to walk dogs until I get my own which I hope will get soon. A dog that will also someday die... but I know death is something that is unavoidable no matter if dog, human or fish.