Hw # 22

Jamaica Kincaid, My Brother, Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 1997

“ I could have said to my mother, You and I do not get along, I am too well, I am not a sick child, you cannot be a mother to a well child, you are a great person but you are very bad mother to a child who is not dying or in jail; but I did not say that.” – pg. 27 When I read this it made think of how you can see how much someone loves you or cares about you when you are sick or ill. And in Jamaica’s case this was the only time her mother showed her love.

“ I told him to use condoms when having sex with anyone; I told him to protect himself from the HIV virus and he laughed at me and said that he would never get such a stupid thing (“Me no get dat chupidness, man.”)” – pg. 8 This quote reminded me how some people think their invincible and in their mind think, “ Oh that’ll never happen to me.” And when it does it takes us a while, like Jamaica’s brother or like Beth’s husband to accept the truth about our health.

“ It was then I decided that only people in Antigua died, that people living in other places did not die and as soon as I could, I would move somewhere else, to hose places where the people living there did not die.” – pg. 26 In other words, Jamaica when in her home with her family, death did not exist and it seemed like it never would in her “world.” But standing next to her brother in Antigua death became a reality for her and it frightened her, so much she mentioned several time how she just wanted be back home with her husband and kids.

How Jamaica dealt with the fact that her brother was dying due to Aids, I found was significant because for the first time she was bonding with the family (especially with her brother) she had tried to avoid most of her life. And when she finally did, she was hit by many emotions like the love she felt for her brother and having to face death when she had been avoiding it most of her life in the comfort of her home. I believe that when people find out someone of their own blood is ill or dying, even if they haven’t talked to this person in years they reach out to them. Or at least in Jamaica's case and mine. As a child, I never heard my father talk to or about his father but one day I saw that my father look different, more old, tired and weary than his usual self. And then a week after my mother told me that my father was going away to Mexico to my grandfather’s funeral. A man who I had never met or heard much about. But just like Jamaica, once my father heard his father was ill he went to his native land to see him in his last days. I would like to know whether if it was just something in common between my family's life and Jamaica’s or is it true for majority of people?

Hw # 21b - Comments on Partner's Blog

Leah,

Your response to our guest speaker's experience with death aligned with what was asked for in this homework because you connected her insights to events from your own life. Like the insight Beth mentioned about how most men don't get medical attention right away, because they deny their pain/illness. You then connected this insight to your life by mentioning the time your father had an erupted appendix and denied his pain until it was too much and he luckily got there before it was too late. I agree that it might have something to do with their masculinity being in play because they must ask others for help and must be looked after when when it's usually the other way around. Next time try to add more depth to these big ideas you mention in your post by just focusing on one and expanding it. Besides that I enjoyed reading this post:)

Raven,

The first insight you mentioned I felt like you went into depth and showed how in your life it is true, when one is in deep struggle we turn to religion no matter if you don't even have one. I like how you shared experiences you've had of death. Maybe you should go deeper on this and say if these deaths have affected your life or view on life? Also could've explained why you think it didn't trigger feelings when she told her experience. Besides this I enjoyed reading someone else's point of view on death of my age and cant wait to read future one:)

Hw # 21

• Most men don’t get medical attention right away because are in denial at first.
• Wanting to seem invincible: that death will never “catch” us and to continue to be positive until the end.
• Movies don’t show the reality of how a disease or cancer can affect the patient
• Remember to do nice things to people even those who you’ve never met because you will never be able to once you die and can sometimes regret leaving unfinished business with those close to you.
• The best times of the 26 years of marriage were weirdly the ones spent when he was sick because did not have to focus on anything but her husband.
• Was to be paralyzed all he said was “ If I can still move my hands and paint than I’ll be alright.” (Art was his passion, this was his way to me of leaving an imprint in the world)
• TIME; something one shouldn’t waste especially on silly things (when one is a teenager we can do this) and spend it more on the important and fulfilling moments in life.
• Keeping it “human” as possible was important; making sure people saw him as a real person, a husband, and a father not as cancer.
• Went to Buddhist monk and he told her the signs to know when it was coming; one was pushing his hands out as if he were pushing away death and he did! (During the final weeks)
• Stillness that was felt in the room and in his body was indescribable when he died.

The second insight I got from our guest speaker, the one about wanting to seem invincible; that death will never catch us I can connect with because I agree that most people just shove the thought right out of their head and let anything else that is on their mind distract them from reality. That we, humans are not invincible, much less immortal and that we will one day have to face our fate, death. This for me and I’m sure for most people is true, we avoid it like death isn’t going to happen, or we even joke about it when it is a serious topic that exhausts us. When I was younger I would read books about men who were immortal and while reading these books I would forget everything around me. Reading was an escape for me especially from the thought of dying because during these minutes I believed it was possible to live for centuries. But even this had a cost, because you would have to watch again and again those who you’ve come to care for and love (who aren’t immortal) die before your eyes.

The insight about time was definitely the one that impacted me the most and I believe it is something many can relate to. Without realizing it we spend too much time on things we shouldn’t, like spending extra hours at work or in the digital world instead of enjoying time with other humans, like our friends and family. And we don’t realize this until we are about to die. Our guest speaker mentioned that in our final moments we don’t go, “Oh, I wish I could’ve spent an hour more at work.” We really just say, “ Oh, I wish could’ve spent more time with my family.” A lot of time it feels like there isn't ever enough time to get everything we want done much less the energy because we all need at least 8 hours of sleep . I believe we should make this realization now instead of when we are about to die by looking at our lives and making a list of the number of things we can drop that are really not needed like 4 hours of watching TV and change it for something that we will feel more accomplished and even happy about afterwards.

A question that sparked while listening to our guest speaker was are there some common things we all do before we die? For example he began to push his hands out as if pushing away death. Or does everyone do something different? An idea that sparked after hearing our speaker was about TIME that I mentioned about before in the previous paragraph. It also sparked the idea of us all wanting to leave some kind of imprint in the world before we die whether it is our art, a book, being a celebrity or for simply making a difference. To not just fade away and to never have your name spoken ever again. For me the huge thing that scares me about dying (which might seem weird) is to never think again, at times in my life I enjoy letting myself be swallowed by my own thoughts and visions and not being able to do this terrifies me.

Hw #19

I remember one time when I was 10; at this age I enjoyed to explore and analyze different topics/ideas and one of them happened to be death. And once I began to start thinking about this topic I couldn’t stop, I started to shudder and all wanted to do was curl up in a ball in a corner. The thoughts going through my head what happens to me after, will I just rot while those around me will forget about me until one day no who knew me will be alive and my name would be forgotten. So I decided to go ask my mother about it, needing answers and hopefully some comfort as well. So I asked my mother if she was scared of death and she told me no that we were all going to die someday, but she told me not to worry to enjoy life and to remember that if we follow God’s commandments we will then join him in heaven. Me being ten I thought to myself, oh cool I’ll just follow these rules and I’ll go to heaven. Now age 17 I believe there is more to this, so hearing other opinions and religions and their views on death is interesting. But growing up with Catholicism I believe it is true that we will go to heaven or hell and it personally brings me comfort that I may be in heaven in the end and can watch those I left and loved from above.

Today asking my mother again this time about illness, she told me that when someone you know or when you are sick especially when the sickness is serious, it is sad but one must be strong and have the will to continue living what ever life you have left. We also should look for a treatment or cure that will help us get better. And that one must always pray to God and/or the Virgin Mary to become healthy once again. The Virgin Mary for my family and I the religion I follow is an important figure being the mother of Jesus. Because coming from a Hispanic background, and being Mexican on top of that, she is very important in my culture. When you walk around any Mexican neighborhood, restaurant (actually owned by Mexicans) or the Catholic churches in Mexico there are huge portraits and/or sculptures of the Virgin Mary. So sometimes in my prayer I am told to pray to her as well as to God, because she will listen me as well, and Jesus loving his mother dearly he will listen to her about my prayer. In my culture, religion plays a huge role in our lives and when I went to Mexico this summer I saw it even more. Every time someone walked by a church they made a sign of the cross, the churches tare usually overcrowded during mass which surprised me because here in NY it is not like this. The reason I believe this is, is because they find comfort to many issues in their life, including the topic of death. It brings reassurance that when we die, it is not the end that there will be an after and that after depends on what you believe in.

When I asked my dad about death he told me it's part of life, and is what completes the cycle of life. I asked him what he imaged when he was telling me this and he said the image in his mind was of a tree and continued to say that humans must die so makes room for the next generation of humans. He said when we die we transform and give life to others, his example was of a dead rabbit that turns into fertilizer for the dirt which then a plant grows in. He took it differently then my mother did, she took it more as a sad occurrence while my father was more calm and it's just part of life while shrugging his shoulders. He continues to say that our ancestors (Aztecs) worshiped death because they would sacrifice people to make Gods happy and wouldn't send them illness, calamities, bad crops, or a drought. And when something like drought occurred they believed it was because the Gods were angry with them so they sacrificed even more people. This and watching the news made me think why is it OK for people to take other's life? Isn't life sacred? Nowadays we honor the dead, my father ended.

This talk with my parents definitely has impacted the way I see it now, never before did we have a full length conversation of death, it's a topic most families avoid. Because it is a hard topic to speak of the answers can be depressing and just plain tiring. But it goes to show that we shouldn't wait for death or illness to live our life to the fullest, instead of wasting so much time on the technology. I'm trying now to just spend 2 hours not 4 hours on my computer the amount of time I usually spend on it and instead going to volunteer to walk dogs until I get my own which I hope will get soon. A dog that will also someday die... but I know death is something that is unavoidable no matter if dog, human or fish.

hw # 18

My experience this holiday fits into both "anti - body" and "body - centered practices, because at first the minute our guests walked through the door we hug and kiss on cheek due to having hispanic background which is more touchy feely than in the American culture, so we pay more attention to each other's body movements. Then when it came time to eat it became anti - body ( although not as anti - body like in school) but we still sat very still and listened to each other say what they were thankful for and say grace. At Thanksgiving in my family the food pleasure supplement did dominate the event, because most of what we did was sit there and eat as a family, all 7 of us on one table and talk about how good the turkey and sweet potatoes were, even my sister in law's dog joined us eating turkey as well under the table. Which makes me wonder for other animals like dogs isn't most of their life body - centered?

A tradition we have after we've "stuffed" ourselves we watch TV, usually the specials that are on like the Beyonce Special. So this is an Anti - Body practice we have because we sit on couch ignoring our bodies and just concentrating on the TV screen for the rest of the night. Except when we say goodbye again. But this time when the Beyonce Special ended I decided to take my sister- in law's dog for a walk, so now I was paying attention to my body and the dog's ( as well as protecting it from other dogs) after leaving my body for an hour.

The nutritiousness of the meal was definitely huge for my family dinner, the first thing my mother commented was that turkey compared to other meats isn't as bad for us. And she made sure we all had our huge share of veggies, a side of fresh homemade sweet potatoes my father made, and with only a piece of turkey. Health was a topic that was brought up at the table because my brother was sick so we started talking about what medicine he should take. Shoud he take Dimatap or DayQui? Or something natural? Like his wife suggested a ginger tea with raisins which helped her feel better when she had a cold. There also were empty chairs which should have been filled by my sister-in law's parents but because of her dad's condition (diabetes) they were back in Domincan Republic so he would not have to deal with winter in NY. And the main reason he had come to NY was because unfortunately he had a stroke, so he had come to New York to get check up and medicine here then go back to DR but he promised to come back. So during dinner we asked questions on how they were and his health for politeness and our general care. So as you can see my Thanksgiving dinner had both of the anti - body practices and "body - centered" practices that occurred through out the night.

hw # 17

My experience with illness is not much, I've seen my little brother get a cold and everyone else I know but experiencing some one who has been seriously ill I have not. Dying unfortunately I have had experience with, I had a class mate die in front me ( honest truth not trying to sound melodramatic) in middle school. At first the feelings I felt were of confusion, why did he collapse when he seemed so healthy? It kinda hits you how quickly a person can go from seeming so alive at one moment and the next be dead. And the thoughts one has after, of the dead can be "was it my fault this happened? Or why couldn't I have done anything to save him/her?" and even feelings of pain, loss, regret come to mind as well.

The way I've been taught to see dying is that if he/she was a good person and followed god's path, he/she would join him in his kingdom, if not he/she would go to hell. My entire life I've been brought up to believe this due to my family's religion. Illness I was taught was something that one should avoid by keeping healthy and choosing the correct life style. It is also something that must not to be avoided and should be treated right away. But for my family, the medicine doctors prescribe aren't the always the answer to an illness because they can fix your problem but can cause another in a long run. So my grandparents and mother are huge believers of homeopathic medicine, because it is natural and will still treat the problem but without causing any other.

A social norm of illness and dying is to always rush a person who is ill or dying to a hospital to be cured or to find them a cure. The idea of a hospital brings several images to my mind: blue uniforms, hospital beds, seat right next to bedside, curtain, and the smell of plastic and fear. Hospital; Someone being born in a hospital at the same time that someone is dying is what comes to mind when I see the word. How life and death can all occur under the same roof. A second social norm is to visit the sick and accompany them through their pain because you know one day you will have the same fate. Another social norm is to shrink away from the idea death, to avoid the thought and topic, so we occupy our mind on everything else and try to forget. Last social norm I can think of at the moment as I mentioned before is to use medicine as the answer of many illnesses and research to find one for those that are still incurable.

Hw #11

I chose experiential (a) and decided to change my diet, but in order to do this I began the change slowly. With parental consent I began to buy vegetables we needed for dinner at the farmer's market which was located on 1st ave right in front of the housing for low income families. ( Reminded me of how in class we talked about how the government was subsidizing fruit stands in order for them to stand in poor neighborhoods.) Once I bought peppers, one an orange color and the other in a green color, and they both tasted real good. The orange pepper was oddly shaped (I believe due to fact didn't have any chemicals, naturally grown) and it tasted sweet. And when my mother cooked it with meat and olive oil the juices gave meat an extra flavor. The green peppers were also good but tasted more like most regular peppers except a little more tangy.

After slowly changing the vegetables in my food, I also began to cut back on the junk food I ate during the week, ate homemade food for a week and did not eat out until Sunday. It did work and I personally don't eat McDonald's or Wendy's only like 3 or 4 times a year. Usually when I finish eating I feel sick and stuffed, and an hours later I am hungry again, while when I eat a regular home cooked meal it is more filling and healthy. I'm also type of person who is tempted to buy snacks like chips, candy or cookies like any teen. But decided to instead throw an apple or pear in bag to eat as a snack instead.

From this unit I have definitely learned a lot, its been eye opening about the food our society eats. And for me its important because now every time I eat, how the animals and farmers are actually treated is now always is in the back of my mind and has made me change some of what I eat. It honestly hasn't made me want to become vegetarian, but it has made me want to see a change in the process of food and for it to become more about the consumer not the business.